I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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