I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
