Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
