Can i not drive my cunt home
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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