Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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