in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
please don't ironically join a cult
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