sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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