no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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