toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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