Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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