just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
