he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
