We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
