Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
