She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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