so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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