I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
