I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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