All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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