i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ttyl tear gas
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
