Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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