just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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