As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used