Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
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No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster