Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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