Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.