I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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