you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
