I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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