I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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