Barsexuality is the new black.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
