Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
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he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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