I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
