we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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