I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
