My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
