First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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