You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
