I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This toilet bowl is my home.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize