Your dad touched me again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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