She is in my trunk
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
