Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is it because I queefed?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
