im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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