Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
