I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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