was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
