I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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