Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
