he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
