i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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