you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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