the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Randomize
