how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
