Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
