yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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