I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
