i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
