I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
