Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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