I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
