dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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