im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I fill condoms, not promises.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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