Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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