he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
