Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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