john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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