In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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