Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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