i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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