Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Holy sore nipples Batman
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
