I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize