can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got inside last night via doggy door
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
