Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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