I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
