Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
