I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ketchup is God's man juice
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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