I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
